Episode Transcript
Written by Tom Saunders.
Michael: Strike one, huh? Shall we go ahead and sit down?
Waiter #6: (In a Texas-British accent.) Hey, dudes, I’ll get you a couple of 64-ounce colas to wash down this basket of doughnut and get your nachos started.
Michael: I guess this is what the British think of Americans. They like our food.
Rita: Whatever do you mean?
Michael: Yeah. Uh... you ow, Rita, you’re going to figure this out eventually, but I have not been on a date in a long, long time.
Rita: (Muffled.) Neither have I.
Michael: I wonder why? No, I bet men ask you out constantly.
Rita: Not men like you. I seem to only meet little boys.
Michael: Part of that might be that you spend your day at a preschool.
Rita: And they think the stupidest things are funny.
Michael: Yeah, that’s a cultural problem, is what it is. You know, your average American male is in perpetual state of adoscence, you know, arrested development.
Narrator: Hey, that’s the name of the show.
Michael: No attention span. You know, can’t even carry on a typical con...
Narrator: Michael thought he spotted the man who’d threatened him earlier.
Rita: I’m getting back on the space shuttle.
Michael: No, no, no. Sorry, sor. Sit, please. Let’s talk about you. Tell me about your family.
Rita: No. They’re pushy, bossy, want to control me. What about your family? I’d love to meet your family.
Narrator: Michael knew from experience that this would not turn out well.
Rita: That’s so sad.
Michael: Yes,that’s sad. Super sad. Shall we eat?
Narrator: Michael had started a relationship by lying about the existence of his family.
Michael: I think this went really well, huh? Maybe sometime we can have dinner?
Rita: Could I see your house?
Narrator: Michael was caught off guard by the question.
Michael: No, no, I-I can’t do that.
Rita: Okay, bye-bye.
Michael: Uh... bye.
Narrator: And he vow not to be caught off guard again.
Michael: I didn’t mean that we... Oof!
Trevor: So did he invite you over, then?
Rita: Not yet, but he will.
Narrator: So, Michael went back to work.
