Episode Transcript
Written by Tom Saunders.
Michael: Hey, who brought in the od...? G.O.B., you can’t shred this evidence. You’ll end up in jail.
G.O.B.: Dad told me to. How can I say no to that face?
Michael: Get this stuff out of here, and put it somewhere where Dad can’t get to it. Are you in on this, too?
Lucille: No, I’m just here to go out to lunch with your father.
Man on Television: The man said he’s never felt more free in his life.
Man: I’m like a bird up there...
Buster: Ah, did you tell him about my medal?
Michael: Medal? What for?
Lucille: Oh, who knows what they were saying?
Army Sergeant: (Speaking very fast.) ...private citizenship and hereby reenlist in the armed services of the United States of America? If you agree with this, say thank you.
Buster: Thank you. Wow. I have so many people to thank.
Army Sergeant: Private, step forward.
Lucille: It’s probably because a seal bit off his hand. The army has taken to giving medals for being food.
Narrator: And just then...
Television: (Wow! Look at him go tied to that deck chair!)
George, Sr.: It’s so simple. My ankle monitor...
Larry: ...only goes off when go out the front or. We need balloons. A party.
George, Sr.: We need to throw a party...
Larry: ...for Buster’s stupid thing. Larry, go get go get some balloons.
Narrator: And Michael found a way get Rita to his house after all.
Michael: That’s a great idea. Honor Buster tomorrow night. We’ll get the whole family over to the penthouse, show him our support.
Lucille: Well, I suppose it’s better than drinking alone. What time?
Michael: It doesn’t matter to me. I can’t be there. I’ve got a date with Rita.
Buster: Well, Mom’s probably right. I couldn’t even stand up to a seal. I don’t real deserve a medal or a party.
Tobias: No, you deserve this. Here, take my business card.
Buster: Gah!
Narrator: And later Lindsay was on the phone with Bob Loblaw.
Lindsay: The thing about Tobias— that he’s never fulfilled me sexually.
Bob Loblaw: Can you catalog for me the various ways you’ve been promised to be fulfilled whether or not said promise was made explicit?
Lindsay: You want me to be explicit?
Bob Loblaw: Yes, but I will be needing to get off in four minutes.
Lindsay: Well, let’s see if I can’t hit that target for you.
Narrator: The next day on the way pick up Rita, Michael stopped by his house to make sure there were no signs of his family only to discover there was nothing but.
Michael: What the hell is all this?
Buster: Oh, G.O.B. brought all this stuff in.
Michael: And, Mom, what is with all the family photos?
Tobias: Oh, I’m teaching Buster to stand up for himself. I’m surrogating your mother.
