Episode Transcript
Written by Tom Saunders.
Tobias: Everybody’s favorite son!
G.O.B.: Mr. Wonderful!
Michael: I had a great time. I wish I could have stayed longer. It was a great party, huh? Tell Buster I stopped by, please. I do have to leave, though.
Lucille: Oh, no, no. The party is not for Buster anymore.
Lindsay: No, Michael, it’s for you.
G.O.B.: Take a look at banner, Michael!
Michael: You guys did all of this for me? “Family love...”
Rita: Michael?
Narrator: Everyone froze. Michael feared he’d been caught in a lie about his family. His family feared they’d been caught by a woman they clubbed, drugged and left on a bench. It was awkward.
Lucille: Who’s this?
Buster: Mother! Mother! This is from Army. I have to report for duty tomorrow. It says by accepting this medal, I was reenlisting.
Lucille: I didn’t hear them say that.
Narrator: Perhaps if the sergeant had spoken more slowly she would have.
Army Sergeant: In acceptance of this medal, you proudly waive all rights to private citizenship and hereby reenlist in the armed services of the Unites States of America. If you agree with this, say thank you.
Buster: (Speaking very slowly.) Than-nk... you.
Buster: What am I going to do? I can’t go back there. I’ve never been.
Rita: Who are these people?
Michael: This is my family.
Rita: No. No, I don’t like these people.
Michael: Me, you mean. She means me, because I lied about having a family because I was embarrassed by them. And I’m ashamed of that.
Rita: I have to leave.
Michael: Strike three.
Lindsay: You said you didn’t have a family?
G.O.B.: Everybody’s favorite son.
Tobias: Mr. Terrible.
Lucille: And her, too good for us? Huh! Buster, you should have finished the job.
Michael: Job? What job? Did I say job? I meant G.O.B.
G.O.B.: Buster’s the one that hit her! I just gave her the roofie.
Michael: Roofie?
G.O.B.: Forget-Me-Now.
Michael: You beat and drugged Rita?
G.O.B.: Take this and love us again!
Michael: No, no! No, no, G.O.B.!
G.O.B.: No, Just take it!
Michael: Um, I’m leaving, too.
Lucille: Well, no good deed goes unpunished.
Tobias: Oh, look, it’s not all bad. I-I got Buster feeling better about his medal.
Buster: Not anymore. I’m getting rid of this thing. It has caused me nothing but pride and self-respect!
Narrator: Buster went to get rid of the medal he finally felt he deserved, but it was exactly when George, Sr. was making his escape.
George, Sr.: Farewell to you all!
Narrator: But it turns out that hydrogen is more explosive than helium. And George Michael came home to find an unconscious Steve Holt.
George Michael: What have you guys been doing?
