Written by Rob Weiner.
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael was heading to work when he saw something he had never seen before lunch, his twin sister Lindsay.
Michael: You’re up?
Lindsay: Yeah, I work for our attorney now.
Michael: Bob Loblaw, of course. What is he thinking? I mean, how’s it going?
Lindsay: Lousy. I only took this nanny job so he’d give me a free divorce, and then marry me, so I’d never have to work again. But all he seems to care about is that daughter of his.
Michael: Of course. Who wouldn’t want to snog the nanny?
Lindsay: Snog? Is that another one of your new British-isms?
Narrator: It was. Michael had recently fallen bum-over-noggin for a beautiful Englishwoman called Rita.
Michael: Did I say “snog” again? Oh, bloody hell. Listen, you want to win over Bob, you got to win over the kid, and here’s what you do. You find something that you’re good at, anyou share it with her. And while you’re at it, share it with us, too. And try to not to act so desperate. Oh, my God! Did I miss a call?
Rita: (On answering machine.) This is Rita. Just wanted to say “hi.” I’m on my way to the train station. Bye-bye.
Michael: She’s leaving. I’ve got to get over there!
Narrator: Michael raced to the station...
Lindsay: God, is that how I look?
Narrator: ...where Rita was being given her ticket.
Trevor: ...and your instructions. Call me if you get in over your head.
Michael: Hey, hi, there, Rita. Hey... Michael. Hi. Where are you going and how long you going for? You’re right. Do not answer that. You know, I’m not getting clingy.
Rita: Why are you breathing like that?
Michael: Oh, I wasn’t hurrying to come stop you. I was out on for my daily, uh... Do you run at all?
Rita: Oh, yes. I was in the Olympics once. I won a silver medal.
Michael: You’re that Rita Leeds? Oh, my goodness. And the silver medal. Yes, and you came in second. Now I’m very embarrassed to be out of breath in front of you. But you take my breath away.
Rita: Oh, Michael. You’re such bleep.
Narrator: Michael was stunned. He assumed Rita was using the word bleep in the American sense, meaning weak or cowardly. In fact, Rita meant it in the British sense, meaning sweet or gentle, as in “pussycat.”
Reggie: The Jerries aren’t so bad. They’re just being led by a rotten apple.
Adelaide: Oh, Reggie. Fighting for your country— you’re such a pussy.
Narrator: Michael returned home, hoping to take solace in his son’s company.
Michael: Hey, just the guy I was looking for. Thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch, you know? Maybe go for a run. Do some guy stuff.
George Michael: But we’re not good at that stuff.
Michael: Yes, I am. We... both are.
Narrator: Michael and his son had never been a very successful athletic team. In fact, the only thing George Michael really liked was hanging motionless from the monkey bars. Which the President’s Council on Fitness ranks as “slightly easier than the slide.”
Michael: Anyway, I was just thinking that maybe we should emphasize athletics a little bit more in this family. I’m gonna start us off with a protein drink, okay? (Throws a glass at George Michael.)
George Michael: (Ducks, as glass falls to floor and breaks.)