Written by Rob Weiner.
Steve Holt: But we won!
Steve Holt: Oh, hey.
Buster: Michael, your son’s signing up for the Army.
Michael: What? You signed him up for the Army?
Buster: You’re right, if he goes in, I get out. I’ve got to get my name on his form.
Michael: Hang on, hey! I got to get there; I got to stop this! Do this with me!
Narrator: And that’s when Rita noticed Michael.
Michael: Wait for me!
Rita: Could you not finish?
Michael: No, first place! First place, I swear, but I’m sorry, I got to go do something— wait, I’m dizzy.
Steve Holt: Uncle Mike, come on. I’ll take you.
Michael: No, no, Steve Steve, Steve!
Steve Holt: Hiya. No, let’s go, come on. Come on, let’s go.
Narrator: And, meanwhile, George, Sr. hadn’t succeeded in startling anyone but himself.
George, Sr.: I mean, there’s nothing to do all day except lift weights, and fold laundry, get thrown into a cage with a bunch of sweaty men. Excuse me. I can’t go back, I can’t go back!
Teen Boy #1: Well, I’m glad he won’t be there.
Narrator: George, Sr. came across a U.S. Army Combat Humvee and the Popemobile. And he decided to escape in the bulletproof one.
George, Sr.: No, no, no, no, no. Come on! I can’t go back.
Narrator: And Michael caught up with George Michael...
Michael: What are you doing?
Narrator: ..who was three rungs away from being in the Army.
George Michael: I’m becoming a man, Dad. Isn’t that what everybody wants?
Michael: Of course not— G.O.B., can you get us out of these chains, please?
G.O.B.: So you steal my son, and now you need me to save yours. All right, one key coming up.
Michael: He’s a magician.
Buster: I need you to sign this form.
George Michael: No, it’s good, Dad. There’s all sorts of benefits, and it’s like a family... but it’s also an army of one. And it’s no place for wimps.
Michael: George Michael, you have a family, okay, and I’m the wimp, not you... because I could not take you being away in the Army. All right? I love you.
G.O.B.: (Retches out key.) That did it.
Michael: He’s not signing up.
Sergeant: That’s too bad. I was this close to getting out.
George Michael: I think I’m gonna go get one of those corn dog crosses.
Michael: With all the “crucifixins”?
George Michael: Right. Thanks, Dad.
Rita: Was that your son?
Michael: Yes, Rita, yeah. Most important person in the world to me.