Episode Transcript
Written by Jake Farrow and Sam Laybourne.
Revision: 1.3
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael was sharing some very important news with his parents.
Michael: I am getting married.
George, Sr.: Who the hell to?
Michael: Who do you think? Rita.
Lucille: Her?
George, Sr.: Why?
Michael: Well, first of all, she needs a green card to stay in the country.
Lucille: There it is.
Michael: She needs a green card to stay in the country, because, secondly... we’re really crazy about each other.
Lucille: You hardly know her.
Michael: I know all the important stuff. She was in the Olympics. She’s sweet, she’s smart, she’s beautiful, she’s special.
Narrator: She was special.
Rita: Are houses terribly hard to make?
Michael: Actually, the hardest part is finding the land.
Narrator: But she wasn’t smart.
Rita: Instead of making houses, maybe you should make land.
Narrator: For Rita had only mentally progressed...
Rita: On the ocean.
Narrator: ...to the level of a first grader.
Rita: There’s no land on the ocean.
Narrator: Michael might have noticed her disability if it had not been masked by her English accent.
Michael: You’re brilliant.
Narrator: Yeah... She wasn’t.
Michael: I know she’s a really, really good person, and everything else is going to be little surprises along the way.
Narrator: With the exception of that one big one.
Michael: The wedding? Is in one month.
Buster: Oh.
Lucille: A month?!
George, Sr.: All right, now look, just because a woman gets pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry her. Too many lives have been ruined because some cheap waitress at a HoJo said she used an IUD.
Lucille: It was Stuckey’s.
George, Sr.: But I believed you.
Michael: She’s not pregnant— truthfully, we haven’t even slept together.
Lucille: This is funny!
Buster: He’s gay!
Lucille: Where’s your hand?
Buster: Oh. I’m having my high school ring put on it, and my hook is stuck in the staircar.
- Mr. Roboto
- Buster dancing to Styx’s Mr. Roboto (“Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto”) is a reference to Tony Hale’s early work in a commercial for the 1999 Volkswagen Golf where he’s seen dancing and singing to the same song.
Buster: (Singing with song.) / Domo arigato, Mister Roboto... /
Buster: Oh...
