Episode Transcript
Written by Jake Farrow and Sam Laybourne.
George, Sr.: Do you think getting married will solve your sex problem?
Michael: No. And... we don’t have a problem. We just haven’t had the right opportunity yet.
Buster: Lindsay said Rita slept over last night.
Michael: Yes. But I gave her the bedroom because I didn’t want her to feel pressured.
Narrator: Actually, it was Michael who felt a little pressured.
Rita: And I like to keep the light on. That way I can see if you have a monster. Night-night. Can you shut the door on your way out?
Michael: Let’s not forget she’s the one that gave us the idea for that ocean-top town called “Bluthton.”
George, Sr.: Oh, big deal, I had that same basic idea years ago.
Michael: I thought you’d be happy, and I should have known better.
Lucille: Michael, be careful. People just see what they want to see. If she loved you, she’d show it.
Narrator: Michael was worried— his mother may have been making sense. So, he returned home to talk to Rita.
Tobias: Ah, here comes the bride.
Michael: Tobias, are you sure that this dolly isn’t related to your recent health problems?
Tobias: Okay, so my legs and my left arm occasionally “go to sleep,” and you want to call it a health problem. Oop! (Groans.)
Michael: Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Tobias: No, I can get up myself. (Straining.) Ah! Here we go. Let me get in the dolly. No, thank you, I don’t need your help.
Michael: It does seem like you’ve been having a whole lot of trouble since the hair transplants. Maybe you should see a boo-boo-man.
Tobias: A... “bubuman”?
Michael: Oh, uh, a doctor. It’s a British expression. Like they say “go-up box” instead of “elevator.”
- homosexual
- Tobias thinks the British are saying he’s a tourist when they call him a “poofter,” which, in reality, is slang for a homosexual.
Tobias: Oh, like when they say “poofter” to mean “tourist,” yes. Boy, that Rita’s a smarty.
Michael: True, but it’s not like anybody appreciates it. Mom and Dad do not like Rita.
Maeby: Are they crazy? She’s amazing. I saw her last night and she helped with this little project I was doing.
Narrator: Maeby was struggling with a screenplay in her secret life as a film executive.
Rita: Is that a story?
Maeby: Not yet. It doesn’t have an ending. He’s in L.A., she’s in Japan. How do I get these two characters together?
Rita: Maybe they could walk.
Maeby: Across the ocean?
Rita: If it’s not too deep.
Maeby: No, deep is good. People are going to say, “What the hell just happened? I better say I like it.” ’Cause nobody wants to seem stupid. I like it. The Ocean Walker. Holy crap, that’s going to look good on a hat.
Narrator: And Michael caught up with his brother.
Michael: Pal, I need a favor. As you know, I’m getting married in about a month...
