Episode Transcript
Written by Jake Farrow and Sam Laybourne.
Michael: Sorry, did I hear the word “trick”? And it smells a lot like lighter fluid in here. You know, I did say no tricks, G.O.B., and I mean it.
G.O.B.: What if I find a trick that has her float to the alter or something?
Michael: No, no. Love for her to walk. And not to drown. Or fly through the air. Or catch on fire.
G.O.B.: Is she allergic to cat fur?
Michael: Oop— no tigers.
G.O.B.: Right.
Michael: So, uh, Rita, um... I was wondering if maybe you and I might head down to a hotel. Maybe some alone time.
Rita: Oh, yes.
Michael: Yeah?
Rita: Maybe our rooms could touch.
Michael: Well, I-I-I was hoping maybe for more than just our rooms to touch. I was... thinking maybe we could be... in the same room. Be in the same bed.
Rita: Oh, I see what you mean, a real sleepover.
Michael: Well, maybe.
Rita: Okay.
Michael: Really?
Rita: Well, maybe I should go home and get my things. I do kind of miss my jammies.
Michael: I think they’re going to have a lot of that stuff there.
Rita: And my tiny teddy.
Michael: Good. Yes, get that.
Narrator: And so George Michael drove Rita to Wee Britain.
Rita: It’s nice to be with some so young. We can listen to young people’s music for a change.
George Michael: Great, yeah, please.
Man: (/ Hot potato, hot potato / /Hot po-ta-to... / /Hot “potat-o” /.)
Rita: /Hot potat-o, hot potat-o... /
Narrator: That’s when he first grew concerned. And Rita packed for the sleepover.
Trevor: Do you have any idea what a “sleepover” is? Cause it’s not just sleep.
Rita: I know what it is, Trevor, I’ve seen your secret magazine. I want to have grown-up fun. Spoon and figgy pudding. Rabbitown dum druggary’s hollow. And I want to have pop-pop.
- the mere fact... means that you’re not ready
- Trevor telling Rita that the fact she calls it “pop-pop” means she’s not ready directly parallels Michael and George Michael in Good Grief.
Trevor: Well, the very fact that you call it that, tells me you’re not ready.
- Real Cricket Magazine
- The batsman on the cover Real Cricket Magazine is holding a paddle in the same pose as on Bumpaddle Magazine. Both magazines cost £12.82.
Trevor: Oh, and for your information, that’s a cricket magazine.
Trevor: Whether you like it or not, you’re still a child in many ways. I’ve got a problem with you having sexual relations with that man.
Narrator: So do I.
Trevor: I mean, it’s not your fault your parents were cousins, but... here we are. Now, I’ve been charged with taking care of you, and I’m bloody well going to do it!
Rita: Well, Michael will be my cousin soon enough, cause we’re getting married.
Trevor: Married?!
Rita: Married!
Trevor: Totally out of the question!
Rita: Married! Married! Married!
Trevor: All right, that does it. You’re not going anywhere. I’m putting the invisible locks on the door.
Rita: That’s not fair.
Trevor: Lock. Lock. Lock.
Rita: That’s not fair! It’s just not fair!
Trevor: Lock. Lock. I’ve got to find a new hiding place for that magazine.
