Episode Transcript
Written by Jake Farrow and Sam Laybourne.
Michael: We just got back from the bumpaddle courts. Tomorrow, I’m teaching her baseball.
George Michael: Yeah. That may take a while.
Michael: Sorry?
George Michael: Well, listen, Dad, th-this is... hard for... This is hard for me to say this... I was videotaping Rita. Let’s just say it would be cute if it was someone much younger.
George Michael: I’m sorry. We really should get another tape.
Michael: Mm.
George Michael: I mean, they’re not expensive.
George Michael: It’s the plastic fruit, dad.
Michael: It’s very convincing fruit, okay? Is she going back in for another?
Michael: Well, you know, they don’t even have bananas in England, okay, son? Now, I know this is hard for you, but it would be nice to be supported in some... Oh, no, she’s going into the grapes.
George Michael: Yeah, she really liked those. I’m sorry. I think she might be... retar... retarded. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.
Rita: Say hello to my tiny teddy. (Gasps.) Tiny Teddy! (Gasps.)
Narrator: And that’s when it dawned on Michael.
Rita: That way I can see if you have a monster.
Rita: Be careful.
Michael: I’ve made a huge mistake.
Narrator: Michael had just been shown that his fiancee might be mentally challenged, but he needed proof.
Rita: Are you ready for lie-down kisses with me?
Michael: Maybe we ought to just talk a little bit, you know? I mean, what the heck. For instance you’ve never told me how many houses there are in the British Parliament.
Rita: Seven.
Michael: Are there?
Narrator: The answer’s three.
Michael: Does sound about right.
Narrator: Three is the correct answer.
Rita: Come on.
Michael: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Rita: Let’s have our fun.
- horny
- Rita tells Michael, “Rita corny,” a play George, Sr.’s “Daddy horny” from Visiting Ours.
Narrator: So, Michael used a line that was just as corny.
Michael: You know, I think that we should wait until after we’re married.
Rita: / Married, married, married! / Okay, night-night.
Narrator: And Michael felt he deserved a $15 thing of candy beans. The next morning, however, as Michael prepared to let Rita down gently, he was met with another surprise.
Lucille: Surprise!
