Episode Transcript
Written by Jake Farrow and Sam Laybourne.
Michael: What’s this?
Lucille: We’re throwing you a wedding.
Rita: Oh, how lovely!
Larry: On us. Everything you see.
George, Sr.: Show them the waffle bar, Larry.
Larry: It’s over there.
- banner
- The banner reads “Michael Love Marry”
G.O.B.: And check out banner, Michael! I’m gonna go set up.
Michael: Yeah, you know, I-I was just gonna talk to Rita about all of this. Rita, I think that we should, um, wait a little while.
Rita: Wait? Why? I don’t want to wait. I want to get married and have sexual relations like you promised.
Michael: Uh...
Lucille: Where did you get this firecracker? I... love her, Michael.
Larry: So do I. I want to kiss my new daughter-in-law.
George, Sr.: Hey, not on our time, Larry.
Larry: Right on the lips.
Michael: No, no, Dad, please take it easy.
Rita: I’m gonna go get my dress from the... From the room.
Lucille: Yes, I’ll help you put it on inside out!
Michael: Okay, let’s-let’s not all get, um... Hey, mom, what-what’s going on? I thought that you guys were against all this.
Lucille: Well we figured you know best, and who are we to interfere, and you love this girl, and the rest will just be little happy surprises along the way. Like you said.
Larry: Yeah, with the exception of the retard thing.
George, Sr.: Oh, God.
Larry: Tell me you didn’t just say that.
Michael: You knew?
Michael: You knew, and yet, you still wanted me to go through with this?
Lucille: What is wrong with you?!
Larry: Larry go to a mirror!
George, Sr.: You’re fired.
Larry: You’re fired. What?! It’s over. And this is how you tell me, in the middle of a wedding? You shouldn’t have said anything. You shouldn’t have said anything.
Michael: So, you were right. Now what am I gonna do?
George Michael: Well, I’ve been thinking. You know, I mean, every society has their own rules about this stuff. For instance, in some states, it’s legal to marry your own cousin. California’s blocked it twice, but that’s only because they tacked it onto an estate law thing that wasn’t gonna pass. We had the signatures...
Michael: You’re 16, and you know all that. She’s 30 and a half. She probably can’t list the seven Houses of Parliament.
George Michael: There’s three.
Michael: Now I got to break her heart.
George Michael: Well, doesn’t she have to leave the country if you don’t marry her?
Michael: Yeah, I guess I can keep my promise about that, huh? There wouldn’t be any real intimacy, and-and it would be the strongest marriage in the family, but, you know, as much as I’d like to, you can’t ignore the fact that she is mentally disabled.
Lindsay: Oh, my God. I’m wearing an inside out bridesmaid’s dress.
George Michael: You better catch her, Dad.
Michael: That’s not gonna be easy. She’s an Olympic Silver. Just figured that one out.
Maeby: Hey. Well, I’ll have to go stop production on The Ocean Walker.
Rita: You found out.
Michael: Took me long enough.
