Episode Transcript
Written by Karey Dornetto.
Michael: Hi, I just, uh... Wow. What are you guys doing?
- Ready, Aim, Marry Me!
- A poster for Uncle Jack’s film can be seen in Warden Gentiles’s office.
Warden Gentiles: It’s perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries. I’ll give you two a moment.
Michael: Thank you.
Warden Gentiles: (Mumbling.) I don’t know why I always assume everyone’s read my screenplay.
Lucille: What is wrong with you? That man is being wonderful to us.
Michael: And that doesn’t concern you, Mother? For all you know, he could be trying to seduce you.
Lucille: Oh, Michael, you’re crazy.
Michael: I certainly hope so.
Narrator: Michael had just discovered that his mother was interested in another man.
Michael: Mom wants to sleep with the warden.
G.O.B.: What? Oh, God!
Lindsay: Great.
Michael: Great? The man is old enough to be her contemporary, Lindsay. Plus, she’s married okay? She can’t be writhing around underneath...
G.O.B.: What is wrong with you?! It’s disgusting! God!
Michael: Take it easy.
G.O.B.: No, it’s just I’ve always had a thing about Mom and Dad being together.
Michael: I know that.
G.O.B.: I have a sense of propriety, my God.
Michael: G.O.B., we’ve had this conversation.
A very similar conversation took place in Visiting Ours.
G.O.B.: When?
Michael: The last time you ended up seeing Mom and Dad go at it.
Narrator: But, thankfully, he’d found a way to forget that.
G.O.B.: I’ve got a thing of pills in my pocket. I don’t suppose I could convince you to grab me one?
Narrator: Luckily, that worked, too.
G.O.B.: I can’t even hear this.
Lindsay: You may not like it that Mom has needs, but it never bothered you when Dad was running around.
Michael: Well, that was different.
Lindsay: Well, how about when she was sleeping with Uncle Oscar?
Michael: The guy looks just like Dad. I don’t know, he’s family. It seemed very natural they’d be together.
George Michael: Ooh, what-what... what is natural? Is there new legislation on this now?
Narrator: George Michael was concerned about family love after reading Maeby’s script, which he took as a subtle message to him from his cousin.
Boy Prisoner #1: Listen, new fish, that bunk was open because the last guy wouldn’t do the things that you’re going to do.
Boy Prisoner #2: We’re going to do things?
Boy Prisoner #1: Anything can happen when two people share a cell, cuz.
George Michael: Um, I’ll.. I’ll go with you to the prison.
Michael: George Michael, what I want you to do is run upstairs and run a nice bath for Uncle Tobias, and I want you to help him get in the tub. Can you do that for me? Thanks.
