Making A Stand
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Chuck Tatham.
Lindsay: How do you think I feel?
Michael: You weren’t even in the tapes.
Lindsay: Uh, no, I was talking about my marriage. Are we still talking about the tapes?
Michael: Apparently not. What’s going on with your marriage?
Lindsay: But, last night, he finally responded to one of my little hints.
Lindsay: Why won’t you bleep me?!
Bob Loblaw: Look, I’m not blind. You’re an attractive woman, and you’ve been dressing like a common whore.
Lindsay: Well, I’ve been trying.
Bob Loblaw: But you asked me to represent you in your divorce. I can’t see a client.
Lindsay: Well, then recommend somebody else.
Bob Loblaw: Well, our copy boy’s very striking, but he often has toner on his fingers.
Lindsay: I meant another lawyer.
Bob Loblaw: Oh.
Lindsay: So now, I have to tell Tobias we’re getting divorced, you know, break the news to Maeby, plus fit an eyebrow pluck in there all before the weekend.
Michael: Perhaps you can talk to Maeby while you’re getting your eyebrows plucked. It’ll look like your eyes are watering ’cause you’re sad.
Narrator: Later that day, Michael went to his parents apartment to talk about the problem he was having with G.O.B.
Michael: What’s going on here?
Lucille: Well, they’re painting the whole building, so I’m having the inside done, too.
Michael: Mom, if you’re going speak to these guys like this, you might want to sleep with one eye open.
Lucille: Besides, I certainly can’t recuperate here.
Michael: Recuperate?
Lucille: I didn’t want to worry anyone. It’s a routine procedure, very common for women my age.
Michael: I see, the apartment’s not the only thing getting a face-lift. Hope you kept your punch card, you’re about due for a free one.
George, Sr.: No, no, no, you’re not getting a centavo until you finish all the work.
Michael: You guys are both gonna be sleeping with your eyes open. Mom, however, will not have a choice.
Michael: Dad, need you to help me get rid of G.O.B.
Lucille: That ship sailed 35 years ago.
Michael: Doesn’t know anything about the business. Today, he suggested that we do an illegal Colombian deal.
Lucille: You said that was legal.
Michael: That was your idea?
George, Sr.: I may have mentioned it.
Michael: You told G.O.B. to do it, didn’t you? Did you just want to get us at each other’s throats again like you used to do with the Boyfights videos?
Eblin: Boyfights? Luchas del Muchachos.
Rolando: Sí, ¡Luchas del Muchachos!
Memo: We had this video.
