Faking It
Written by Dean Lorey and Chuck Tatham.
Lindsay: But you can’t, and money should be spent on dating. Is that what you were going to say?
Michael: Let’s go ahead and wait outside.
Lindsay: So, you come here often? Cute button.
George Michael: How is he?
Michael: We’re still waiting to find out.
George, Sr.: (Panting.) I got here as soon as I could. Oh, the red tape.
Michael: Looks a little bit more like Red Prawn, Dad.
George, Sr.: It’s the Shrimpfest. Oh, the shrimp.
Michael: You realize that Buster is probably in this state because of you and Mom. He’s obviously afraid of what he knows and he’s just trying to forget. Does he know who “N. Bluth” is?
George, Sr.: Right now he doesn’t know who “B. Bluth” is.
Michael: I’m going to need some real answers out of you pretty soon because I’ve just discussed it with Jan. I am going to be pretending to be your attorney at the mock trial before Judge Reinhold.
George, Sr.: You’re the lawyer. Oh, that’s the same representation Captain Hook had.
Lucille: Oh, it’s so good to laugh again.
G.O.B.: Oh, feels good.
George, Sr.: It does.
- George W. Bush
- Michael says “seven minutes heals all wounds”; perhaps another reference to George W. Bush’s seven minutes on 9/11 (see The One Where Michael Leaves).
Michael: They say seven minutes heals all wounds.
Lucille: Wait, not the Judge Reinhold show from all those magazine ads. They’re all over the place. Look at this.
Judge Reinhold: (In magazine.) My name is Judge.
- hospital bar
- G.O.B. wonders if there’s a bar in the hospital, recalling Lucille’s attempt to go to the hospital bar in Key Decisions.
G.O.B.: I didn’t even know that this kind of technology even existed. I could use this in my ventriloquism act. They have a bar here?
Dr. Farmer: Well, Buster’s in what we call a light to no coma. In layman’s term, it might be considered a very heavy nap.
Michael: Could that mean that he’s faking it?
Dr. Farmer: Oh, highly likely this is fake. Alough there doesn’t seem to be very much brain activity.
Lucille: Nope, that’s him.
Dr. Farmer: I think it’s very important that we remember he’s fully insured. I say we see how this plays out.
George, Sr.: Absolutely. And we’re going to be here every day. I don’t care if it takes from now till the end of Shrimpfest.
Dr. Farmer: Well, if this young man gets bored, we need a lot of volunteers here at the hospital. Turning over the bedridden, changing bedpans.
George Michael: I heard there’s a mall across the street.
Dr. Farmer: Oh, you want excitement. Well, we have a group of young people who put on fake weddings for our Alzheimer’s patients.
Michael: Actually, it would probably look pretty good on some college application.
George Michael: Would I have to touch the old people?
Dr. Farmer: Only their hearts.
Dr. Farmer: You could be a groom. Bring a little girlfriend up there with you.
George Michael: Oh, I don’t have a girlfriend.
Dr. Farmer: A sister than, or a cousin. Of course, you’re going to have to kiss.
Narrator: Guess who liked that idea?
Michael: He says he doesn’t want to do it. I’m actually going to respect his choices...
George Michael: Good. I... great. I was just... Well, don’t answer for... I, um, yeah. ’Cause I know exactly the cousin, I mean, the.. the girl I would want to give and she’ll want give too. We’ll... and we’ll do that together. For them, for the sake of... I ju... it’s a great day. For being sad.
Narrator: And later, Michael was preparing for his case.
Lindsay: So I’ve got a date with the guy with the brain-dead mom. I mean, it’s just a...picket for them to pull the plug on our loved ones.
Michael: Giving up hope on Buster pretty quickly there, Lindsay.
Lindsay: Listen, I know Buster. I know what he wants.
Buster: Oh, I love soup. If the only thing I could do was lay in bed all day and eat soup, I’d be happy. I wouldn’t even have to taste it. I could just take it through a tube. That would actually be better ’cause I wouldn’t even burn my mouth. (Laughs softly.) Never let me die.
