Faking It
Written by Dean Lorey and Chuck Tatham.
Narrator: And, so, like many people who no longer felt anything for each other, they decided to get married.
Michael: I’m “N. Bluth,” aren’t I? Legally, that’s my real name. You’ve been doing all the Iraq business under it thinking that it wouldn’t be traceable. But it is, and I’m going down.
George, Sr.: For God’s sake, it’s a typo, Michael. What kind of father do you think I am? They even got your birth date wrong.
Michael: That is my birth date.
George, Sr.: Close to Christmas. Was that hard?
George, Sr.: It’s a coincidence, Michael! You’re not “N. Bluth.” There is no “N. Bluth.”
Michael: I called Jan Eagleman about this, and she says it sounds pretty bad.
George, Sr.: You called her? She’s with the prosecution.
Michael: Just for the mock trial.
George, Sr.: Yeah, but what if she wasn’t, Mi... You know, I am glad we’re having this mock trial, because it has shown me that you cannot be involved in the real defense.
Michael: Oh, come on.
George, Sr.: Why can’t you be like Buster? He put himself in a coma to protect this family. Poor kid. I have to get down there now.
Michael: Shrimpfest is over, Pop.
George, Sr.: Really?
Michael: Better go to Chili’s.
Narrator: Back at the hospital...
Lindsay: Let my brother die!
- sign
- The sign above the hospital door reads: “Emergency Entrance Only.”
Narrator: ... Lindsay had joined Brian in protest.
Lindsay: All they’re doing in there is trying to keep people alive. It’s a life mill!
Tobias: Oh, hello, Lindsay. I’d like to introduce you to friend of mine that I met at the gym.
Father Ben: Hi. I’m Father Ben.
Tobias: Ben is a Franciscan who can bench press over 200 pounds, and he talked me into protesting, too. Show them your sign. No, the other side.
Lindsay: Tobias, Brian and I beleive in the dignity of every human being. Now why don’t we leave the fruits with the vegetables and go get a coffee.
Tobias: Do some push-ups. Lindsay! Do some push-ups.
Narrator: George Michael and Maeby were also at the hospital, putting on a wedding for the Alzheimer’s patients.
Clark: ...against all odds, and now they are truly family. It is permanent. Eternal.
Narrator: And Maeby did the thing she had always thought was so corny...
Maeby: I can’t do this. I can’t do this.
George Michael: But, we aren’t...
Maeby: What am I doing?! We’re not... We’re not...
Narrator: ...and ran away.
George Michael: What are we going to do?
Clark: Just give it a minute. Now it’s a bar mitzvah.
Narrator: And as George Michael acted like a boy becoming a man, Michael returned to his office to find a man acting like a boy.
G.O.B.: Plus, we needed to be prepared for our testimony.
Michael: You’re not doing any of that “My name is Judge” stuff on the stand, okay?
G.O.B.: No! They’re all out of magazines at the hospital. Besides, I’ve got a better idea.
Narrator: ... which he’d also gotten while visiting the hospital.
Dr. Farmer: Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection, coupled with peptic ulcers. Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies...
G.O.B.: Check this out! You’ll say, “Who’s this little friend?” And I’ll say “Well he’s not really feeling that well.” And you’ll say, “Oh, what’s wrong with the little guy?” And he’ll say...
