Faking It
Written by Dean Lorey and Chuck Tatham.
Dr. Farmer: (On recording.) Patient presented with gastric bacterial infection.
G.O.B.: Wow... Sounds like you could use some “tricyclene.”
Dr. Farmer: (On recording.) Tetracycline should not be administered due to allergies.
Michael: Your lips are still moving, and... you stole the doctor’s tape recorder?
G.O.B.: Just the tape.
Michael: I’m giving it back to him.
G.O.B.: Come on, Michael!
Michael: G.O.B....
G.O.B.: I need this! My career needs this. Dad was right. If you really cared about this family, you’d be more supportive of me in this.
- sign
- The sign in the hospital parking lot reads: “No Red Prawn Parking.”
Narrator: So, Michael went back to the hospital, when he had a visit from the real prosecutor.
Michael: Wayne, what you doing here?
Wayne Jarvis: We heard about the trial. We want to make a deal with you.
Michael: A deal? It’s a mock trial.
Wayne Jarvis: Read the Patriot Act: “Anything said in a mock trial or daytime courtroom show can be used in any real criminal proceeding, or prime-time procedural show, subject to the interpretation of the presiding judge, or the executive producer.”
Michael: In our case, Judge Reinhold is both.
Wayne Jarvis: Did he get E.P.?
Michael: Sure did.
Wayne Jarvis: Good for him.
Wayne Jarvis: Anyway, you put your dad on the stand, get him talking, and you get full immunity. If you don’t do it, we’re going to go after “N. Bluth,” and we think that’s you.
Michael: You’re asking me to conspire against my own client. Couldn’t you go to jail for that?
Wayne Jarvis: Think about it, Michael, it may be time to cut and run.
Michael: Well, we don’t do that in my family.
Narrator: Maeby had just run away from a fake wedding that had gotten a little too real.
George Michael: Oh! You know about this room, too?
Maeby: Yeah, it’s my dad’s exercise room.
Narrator: Although for all her worldliness, Maeby was still a child in many ways.
George Michael: Um, yeah, I-I come here to think myself sometimes, you know. I mean, I always knock first. I-I always do that. I always do that anyway, no matter what room. So, um, what happened back there?
Maeby: I don’t know, I guess I just got a little weirded out. I mean, we’re cousins. It’s wrong.
George Michael: Well, you know the Torah tells us that the larger wrong is to put our own feelings before the commitments we’ve made. You know, towards the sick, aged and gross.
Narrator: That’s not in the Torah.
George Michael: And I mean you know, we weren’t there for ourselves today. We were there to bring happiness to others. And... I just... I just feel now like we left a lot of old people sad there today.
Narrator: Again, not true.
George Michael: I mean, you know, I’m not saying it’s not weird for me, too. I’m just saying maybe we could take those weird feelings and turn them into something positive.
Narrator: He really wanted that kiss.
Maeby: I mean, I guess it would be a good way to freak out our parents.
George Michael: Let’s freak them out!
Michael: Ooh. Hey, you guys know about this room, too, huh? I’m just looking for some evidence for my trial against Pop-Pop. For Pop-Pop.
Lindsay: I mean, seriously, Doctor, when are we going to know something? I’m trying to get on with my life.
Tobias: Yeah, so is what remains of Buster.
