Written by Rob Weiner.
Michael: Well, I hate to spoil your fun, Dad, but I got backups on all of that stuff, and this is illegal.
George, Sr.: Oh, well, excuse me, Judge Reinhold, but I am trying to protect my family.
Lucille: That’s not a real gold necklace, is it?
George, Sr.: Well, it wasn’t really your 50th birthday.
Michael: You know, Dad, you can’t have this stuff in here, all right? And we don’t need more trouble. It’s bad enough you got Buster faking a coma just so he doesn’t have to testify.
Lucille: I’ve been trying to get him out of that coma. It’s costing us a fortune. He’s sleeping us dry.
Lucille: Okay, faker, I’m cutting the cord. I’ll see you at the snack machine.
Michael: If he knows that you don’t want him in the coma, then why is he still in it?
Lucille: For some reason he won’t tell me.
Michael: Speaking of living a lie, I don’t suppose either one of you have remembered who this N. Bluth is, huh? Not a Nick or a Nellie?
George, Sr.: Just the one who married Lindsay.
Lucille: (Laughing.) Oh, it isn’t fun to talk like this?
Narrator: So Michael returned to the office where the atmosphere was paranoid.
Ted: Is it Black Friday?
Michael: No one’s getting fired. No one’s getting fired
Dave: But we haven’t been paid, and they took our computers.
Michael: I know how this looks bad, but it’s just my father trying to erase all the hard drives to avoid conviction. The company is fine. This is fun, though, isn’t it? They brought out all the old machines I mean, they’ve seen better days, but I’m sure they’re all functional, right? Like Tom here.
Tom: I’m 30.
Michael: You’re kidding!
Narrator: But Michael found the equipment frustrating as well.
Michael: “G.O.B.’s Program”? Idiot.
Narrator: And then he noticed something else.
Tobias: Michael, got to talk... Oh, wow. K-Y Pro, huh? Hey, don’t get any moisture on these bab...
Michael: Hey. Tobias... buddy, I needed that information. This is that sister I been looking for.
Tobias: Well, just hit, uh, print screen. I’m sure whatever’s on there will come up.
Michael: Oh, look at that. Kind of remember these being faster, you know?
Tobias: Yeah, well, we were probably all so jacked up on amyl and disco music, we didn’t notice. But you know what? I’m glad about this printer lag, because I was hoping to have a jaw session with you.
Michael: Well, why don’t we just say—as long as that means a talk.
Tobias: I find myself attracted to someone who is not my wife.
Michael: What’s her name?
Tobias: Michael. Can you believe it?
Michael: You’re married to my sister.
Tobias: Don’t you think I know that?!