Tobias: No. No, did you think you were the Michael I was talking about?

Michael: Wh-Wha...?

Tobias: (Laughing.) No, no... Interesting that your mind went there, though. Okay, uh, no. Uh, I’m afraid the Michael I’m talking about is all lady.

Michael: I see.

Tobias: She’s the trainer at my gym.

Michael: The trainer you started with today?

Tobias: Indeed. Can you believe she’s a body builder?

Michael: Hm. Indeed.

Tobias: What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?

Michael: You’re nervous about becoming intimate with Lindsay again. You probably should not rush into things, you know? Don’t call this girl Michael. Stay away from the gym. Just leave it alone.

Tobias: Wise words, Boy Michael. I’ll tell you, if I wasn’t so dripping and disgustingly sweaty right now I’d hop over this desk and give you such a hug.

Michael: Mm.

Tobias: Hey, coulda, shoulda, woulda.

Michael: Hey, hey. No, no. Ooh, look, number’s up. Well, it would’ve been a seven.

Narrator: Later that night, Lucille visited Buster in the hospital.

Lucille: What the hell is this?

Van Heusen: My name is Representative John van Heusen, and I am here to protect the dignity of this boy’s life.

Lucille: Dignity? Easy for you to say—I’m the one who has to loofah his stump

Van Heusen: I believe death is wrong in all of its forms. Except lethal injection, but that’s just as a deterrent against more death. (Chuckles.) And this young man is enjoying life! Hey! Hey! Huh? Hey, look us, huh? We’re having a blast here. (Laughing.)

Narrator: In fact, it was Buster himself.

Narrator: Michael, meanwhile, had called one number after another until he found Frank, a colleague of the woman he knew as Nellie.

G.O.B.: (As Frank.) Yeah, well, she’s working a software convention at some hotel. I could set up a meeting at the bar, man.

Michael: Appreciate it.

Narrator: And so Michael arrived at the bar hoping to spot someone who could be his sister.

Michael: She grew into the nose. That Nellie? Hey, hi. Michael. Frank sent me. I think I might be interested in your services.

Nellie: You won’t be sorry.

Michael: Yeah? I was hoping that maybe we could just talk a little bit first, huh?

Nellie: Yeah, most people want to.

Narrator: And they did talk, and Michael felt a connection like he’d never felt with anyone in his family.

Michael: I had a locker on the first floor, freshman year, right next to the caf, with all the junior lockers so it was clearly a mistake, but I didn’t say anything. Right?

Nellie: Ooh, you’re bad.

Michael: I had that same locker all throughout the sophomore year. Junior year, they had me up on the third floor with all the frosh.

Nellie: That is wild.

Michael: Had the same combo all throughout, because they...

Narrator: Hey, let’s see what some of the other folks are up to.

Crickets chirping.