Family Ties
Written by Rob Weiner.
Narrator: Downstairs, meanwhile, Lindsay arrived at the bar for her date.
Lindsay: Michael. Oh, my God, my husband!
Tobias: Oh, my God, my wife! Are you two here for each other?
Lindsay: Is that what you’re doing?
Tobias: How dare you?!
Lindsay: How dare you?!
Tobias: And with another woman!
Lindsay: And with another man!
Girl Michael: Wait, wait. You didn’t plan this together? I just assumed you wanted a Holy Trinity.
Lindsay: Absolutely not! We’re a happily married couple.
Tobias: Yes, who happen to be very much in love with each other.
Girl Michael: Well, you’re still going to have to pay Frank.
Music: /Come on!/
Narrator: And Michael confronted his father.
Michael: I know who N. Bluth is. It is Nellie. And I found her.
George, Sr.: That’s your sissy cousin Larry. Even then we knew. That’s why we called him “Nellie.” Do you not know that expression, Michael? I thought we were on the same page here.
Michael: That’s a nice try, Pop, but in your old computer, I found a Nellie. You’re trying to tell me that is not my sister?
George, Sr.: Yes. It’s perfectly innocent. She’s my prostitute. I’m a red-blooded man. I have certain needs that your mom can’t satisfy.
Narrator: But sex wasn’t one of them.
George, Sr.: (Sobbing.) I just want my brother to envy my money, but he’s got that hair Why can’t I have hair and money and him nothing?
Michael: She’s not my sister. I let her into the company.
George, Sr.: You didn’t give her access to the cash, did you?
Michael: She said she liked me.
George, Sr.: She’s a prostitute! That’s her job! Oh, no, the N. Bluth account.
Michael: What? The N. Bluth account? That is your account?
George, Sr.: Maybe. But it’s only embezzlement if you spend it outside the company. It’s gone. It’s empty. She got to it.
Michael: Well, there goes the company.
George, Sr.: Okay, now, hold on now. Let’s not panic because I-I know someone who can find her. His name is Frank.
Michael: That’s G.O.B.’s puppet.
George, Sr.: I’m going to prison. You haven’t heard from Oscar lately have you?
Michael: No.
George, Sr.: Okay.
- banner
- The banner in the office reads “Workers Love Nellie.”
Narrator: And the next day, Michael returned to the office to tell the employees that Black Friday had indeed arrived.
Michael: Hey, Ted.
Ted: Yeah?
Michael: What’s going on?
Ted: Nellie got all of us our checks and these great new computers and have you been...?
Michael: Excuse me. Nellie, you did this?
Nellie: I took it out of the N. Bluth account. And if you spend it within the company, it gives the prosecutors nothing. Also, it was the only way to get myself the ten grand that you owed me.
