Exit Strategy
Written by Jim Vallely and Mitchell Hurwitz.
George Michael: You see, sometimes shame can be fun.
Michael: Shame?
George Michael: Secrets. You said “shame.” He said “shame.”
Michael: What’s all that for?
G.O.B.: It’s for my out-of town act.
Michael: Out of town? G.O.B., the prosecution is watching every move we make.
G.O.B.: Michael, I’m just going to Iraq.
Michael: No, you’re not.
G.O.B.: Yes, I am.
Michael: No, you’re not. Dad is up on treason charges for building homes in Iraq.
G.O.B.: It’s a USO tour.
Michael: You’re not going.
G.O.B.: Yes, I am, and I’m doing my whole Christian magic act that my religion girlfriend helped me work out. I dress up like Jesus, walk on water, which you’ve seen. And I do the wine into water...
Michael: It’s “water into wine.”
G.O.B.: Then I emptied out all your wine bottles and filled them with fake stuff for nothing.
Tobias: Great, how am I supposed to have sex with my husband now?
Michael: G.O.B., we’ve got the depositions, okay? You’re not going to Iraq.
G.O.B.: You’re just jealous that I am the son that the father has asked to do his work in the Holy Land.
Michael: So Dad is behind this.
G.O.B.: And won’t bump me up to business class.
Narrator: Later that day, Tobias met with the prosecutor, Wayne Jarvis.
Tobias: “A flower in my garden, a mystery in my panties.”
Wayne Jarvis: Again, this is not an audition for a CBS show.
Tobias: I was just looking for some feedback.
Wayne Jarvis: It was a little contrived.
Wayne Jarvis: Now, we think we can offer you a good deal if you provide evidence that puts George Bluth behind bars.
Tobias: Well, I’ll tell you what else is contrived, the odds that I would turn on my family for somebody who is not only trying to hurt them, but who wouldn’t know good acting if it marched through the door and gave them headshots and decorative soaps.
Narrator: And as Tobias waited for the elevator, he noticed an interesting flier, promising e perfect gift for the daughter who didn’t feel a part of the family.
Wayne Jarvis: He took the bait.
Cho: He’s a classic scrapbooker.
Wayne Jarvis: Right down to the woman’s suit.
Narrator: And Michael went to confront his father about G.O.B.’s trip to Iraq.
Michael: Everyone knows that you built homes for Saddam Hussein. Please tell me what’s going on.
George, Sr.: For the millionth time, I was a patsy. I’ve got to find a loophole to get out of this, but Buster took coma, and your mother took rehab.
Michael: So I guess I’ll just meet with the prosecutor, ask for a postponement, but that means I’m going to have to go on the record about why you two aren’t there. And if you make a liar out of me, we’re in big trouble.
