Wayne Jarvis: As for your brother G.O.B. in the USO...
Michael: Don’t tell me he’s not in Iraq.
Wayne Jarvis: Oh, no, he’s there. In fact, Michael, he’s on the news right now. (Speaking Japanese.)
Newscaster: Are bees better at sniffing out drugs than dogs?
Wayne Jarvis: I’m sure it’s coming right up. They’ve been playing it all day.
Television: ...and they deliver insulin right to my door.
Wayne Jarvis: I’m sure it’s right after this series of ads. It’s like every time you turn on the TV.
Cho: Why don’t we just go on-line?
Wayne Jarvis: Cool your Japanese jets.
Newscaster: An insurgent in Iraq...
Wayne Jarvis: It’s on!
Newscaster: ...from Orange County, California? Why he’s being held in jail, and why he won’t be coming home any time soon.
Wayne Jarvis: And imagine the impact if that had come on right when we turned on the TV.
Narrator: Michael had been called to sign his brother out of the hospital.
Michael: Buster, you can stop pretending to be in a coma. We heard your request on the way over.
Buster: I’m not faking it, Michael. I really am this expressionless. My love thinks I’m a coward just because I was using precious hospital resources to avoid my legal obligation.
Michael: That does say “coward.”
Michael: We’ve got bigger problems. G.O.B. is locked in a prison in Iraq.
George Michael: So he’s actually in an Iraqi prison?
Michael: No, no, it’s U.S.-run. God knows what they’re doing to him.
Michael: Mom and Lindsay are pretending to be in rehab. I can’t get a hold of Dad. And I have to fly to Iraq myself to get G.O.B.
George Michael: Do you have go by yourself?
Buster: Let me go with you. I was trained by Army. I speak the language.
Michael: You speak Arabic?
Michael: What’s that mean?
Buster: No, I was just clearing my throat, but I think it actually does mean “laundry” but like, a child’s laundry. We don’t really have a word for it.
Buster: But this is exactly what need to prove to my love that I’m a hero, not a coward. And I have my uniform here. Mother brought it for the photo shoot.
George Michael: But would you be back in time for Maeby’s surprise party?
Michael: Probably not. We’ll do something when I get back, okay? Now why don’t you go ahead and drive the staircar home and Buster and I’ll leave from here.
George Michael: Well, be careful
Michael: Hey. Who’s tougher than us? (Throws keys at George Michael.)
George Michael: (Gasps and cowers.)
Buster: Close one.
Narrator: The depositions had been delayed, but the prosecution was about to get a Lord & Taylor bag full of evidence.
Detective Munch: We supply the glitter, the glue, the crepe paper and the ready-made template pages for you to decorate and fill out with... “My Favorite Birthday,” “Foreign Bank Statements,” and of course, “Shh! Family Secrets.”
Narrator: The scrapbooking sting had helped the D.A. gather evidence against people as diverse as Ken Lay, ... Oliver North, ... but ironically not Martha Stewart.