Pilot’s Unaired Lines
Rivers’ Fashion Report: Week 1
Michael Bluth Named New President
George Bluth, Sr. Arrested
Episode Transcript
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz.
Revision: 1.24
Narrator: This is Michael Bluth.
Michael Bluth, Manager / Bluth Company
Narrator: For ten years he’s worked for his father’s company waiting to be made a partner. And right now he’s happy. This is Michael’s mother.
Lucille: Look what they’ve done, Michael!
Narrator: She isn’t happy.
Narrator: Currently she’s upset that her husband’s retirement party is being upstaged by a group of gay protesters.
Protesters: (Chanting.) We’re here, we’re queer! We want to get married on the ocean!
Narrator: This is Michael’s twin sister, Lindsay.
Lucille: I like it better on him.
Narrator: As a youthful act of defiance, Lindsay married this man—
Dr. Tobias Fünke (not on boat)
Narrator: They moved to Boston where they’ve become celebrated for their wine and cheese fund-raisers.
Narrator: Michael and his sister haven’t spoken in a year. Neither has acknowledged this.
G.O.B., George Oscar Bluth II, Magician (part-time)
Narrator: G.O.B. recently started the Alliance of Magicians, an organization that blackballs any performer who reveals a magician’s secret.
Narrator: And finally, there’s Buster...
Michael: Hey, Buster.
Narrator: ...the youngest of Michael’s siblings.
Michael: You know, you don’t need to do that, buddy. It’s okay.
Byron “Buster” Bluth, Graduate Student
- cell phone
- While Buster is taking part in the Native American tribal ceremonies, the Native American in the background talks on a cell phone.
Narrator: Thanks to the family’s largesse, Buster has studied everything from Native American tribal ceremonies... to cartography: the mapping of uncharted territories.
Michael: Hasn’t everything already sort of been discovered, though by, like, Magellan and Cortés, ...
Buster: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Michael: ... all those folks.
Buster: Those guys did a pretty good job.
Michael: Right.
Buster: But there’s still... you know...
Narrator: He also suffers from crippling panic attacks. Yes, this is his family. So, why is Michael so happy? Because he’s decided to never speak to these people again.
Narrator: Michael was feeling more generous about his family on the morning of the boat party.
Talk Room
Previous comments:
#1 Intamin wrote on December 10, 2008:
"Hasn’t everything already sort of been discovered, though by, like, Magellan and Cortés, ..."
You left off "...NASA..." at the end of that quote.
Fantastic job, whoever does these quotes...they’re amazing. The episodes I had were out of order, so you helped me sort them! :)
