Episode Transcript
Written by Richard Rosenstock and John Levenstein.
Revision: 1.15
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth was visiting his father in prison, anxious to get to the bottom of some mysterious bookkeeping.
Michael: It just doesn’t make any sense, Dad. I mean, where’d this money come from and why did it end up in the international accounts file?
Narrator: George, Sr. was also anxious, but less about the bookkeeping.
George, Sr.: This game is never gonna happen. Look at this—half of these guys, they’re still in their cuffs.
Michael: I hate to be a buzz kill, but I’m trying to get you out of here.
George, Sr.: Yeah, well, I’m trying to get us out of last place, Michael. We’re playing Rahway next week. Word has it that they’re getting Jose Canseco.
Michael: I’m starting to wonder why I even bother coming.
George, Sr.: That is ridiculous.
Michael: You won’t even talk to me.
George, Sr.: I’m catcher or I’m nothing.
Closed captioning: Frustrated by his father...
Narrator: Michael returned to work, where his assistant, Kitty, greeted him with some startling news.
Kitty: Oh, oh, God, I’m sorry. George’s wife. Your mother.
Kitty’s desk has the photo of George, Sr. with a frozen banana.
Kitty: I’m so used to being George’s assistant.
Narrator: Kitty had been George, Sr.’s fiercely loyal assistant for years. And Michael suspected that she had the information he needed.
Michael: Hey, Kitty. Listen, you wouldn’t know if we had any documentation on those international accounts, would you?
Kitty: That’s actually not any of your business... my business. That’s not any of my business.
Michael: (In phone.) Hey, Mom.
Lucille: Nonetheless, Michael, you can free up a little company money to get back our golf privileges.
Michael: No, I can’t, Mom. You don’t even play golf.
Lucille: No, but I use the clubhouse dining room until I was turned away today. It’s embarrassing.
Lucille: Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I’d eat the inside of your ear.
Lucille: You should see the looks I’m getting. Fine, if you can’t free up the cash, have your father call the club president.
Michael: I’ve got news for you, Mom. I’m not visiting dad in jail anymore.
Lucille gasps when she lifts the plate’s cover to reveal a hamburger and fries.
Narrator: In order to restore his career as an escape artist, G.O.B. had recently checked into prison as a publicity stunt.
Warden Buck: You think you can break out of my prison?
G.O.B.: You won’t even know I was here.
Narrator: But after a shiv to his side, G.O.B. was rushed to a local hospital, thus fulfilling, in G.O.B.’s mind, his contract with the public.
G.O.B.: Ta-da!
