The Magical Arrested Development Tour, Part II
Wife-Bluth
Episode Transcript
Written by Barbie Feldman Adler.
Revision: 1.9
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth and his family had gathered at the courthouse to discuss George, Sr.’s upcoming trial.
Barry: Do not ask me how I did it. They offered us a plea bargain.
Michael: Really? There’s a chance we don’t have to go to trial?
Barry: Absolutely, and I say we take it because we will never get an offer this good again.
Lindsay: Wow!
Michael: Great. What’s the offer?
Barry: Well, I didn’t read it. I just got it yesterday. F.Y.I., I’m trying to get back out into the dating world.
Michael: I don’t understand how a person can put their sex life in front of their work.
G.O.B.: He’s a man, Michael. He needs a woman.
Barry: Can we get back to work, folks? We’ve only got 24 hours to respond and no matter what this is, it is better than going to trial.
Lucille: Your father’s not here. I’ll speak for him. He loves it—he’s crazy about the plea. He’s dying to get out of that prison and be with a woman again.
Narrator: In fact, George, Sr. had a woman in his life: Cindi Lightballoon, a fan of his Caged Wisdom video series with whom he had fleeting physical contact. That morning, however, she had some startling news for him.
Cindi Lightballoon: I’m a mole.
George, Sr.: You know, God... God doesn’t care how big your teeth are. Yes, you could go to a dentist and you could, whoo... you could grind off about—I don’t know—30%. Maybe more. Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it.
Cindi Lightballoon: No, no, no—I mean I am an undercover government agent. I was sent here to investigate you. Up until last week, my being in love with you was just an act. But now I want to be with you. And I know you can beat this case they have against you. I know this for a fact.
Cindi is wearing a Caged Wisdom T-shirt.
George, Sr.: I want to fight this thing. I can beat it. I know it for a fact.
Lucille: We’re taking the plea.
George, Sr.: Lucille, we’re not taking a plea.
Michael: Well, we don’t know what the plea is yet.
Barry: Is that a shot at me? Because makes me want to read it all the less.
Michael: You have another one of these?
Barry: Yes, I do.
Michael: Great, we’ll both read it.
G.O.B.: You’re going to read that?
Michael: Yeah.
G.O.B.: It’s pretty thick.
Lindsay: He thinks he’s a lawyer because he played one in the tenth grade.
Narrator: In order to satisfy an English requirement, Michael appeared in the Drama Club’s production of an original play, “The Trial of Captain Hook.”
- The Trial of Captain Hook
- Michael (Young Michael) appeared in the school play, The Trial of Captain Hook.
Young Michael: / You’re a crook, Captain Hook / / Judge, won’t you throw the book at the pirate... /
Lucille: I don’t remember that.
Michael: Well, you left during my solo. And I’m surprised my twin sister can remember that, considering she was repeating the ninth grade at the time.
Lucille: I don’t remember that.
Lindsay: Big surprise, Mom. Like you ever took an interest in our lives. Honestly, if I ever did to Maeby what you...
Narrator: Lindsay recalled that earlier that day she had received a letter from the high school about her own daughter. And so later, Lindsay and Tobias tried a more hands-on approach to parenting.
Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Of course, we’re having a bit of a cash flow problem, but I assure you, if you bring our little girl’s grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream you’ll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block.
George Michael: But we’re the only house on the block.
Tobias: Perhaps we should ask somebody else.
