Episode Transcript
Written by Richard Day and Mitchell Hurwitz.
Revision: 1.5
Narrator: Previously on Arrested Development, Michael and his son were camping out at the family cabin before it was to be relocated.
George Michael: I’m just in the middle of a stupid girl problem, that’s all.
Michael: I don’t even have a girl, much less a stupid one.
George Michael: No, the problem is stupid, the girl isn’t stupid.
Narrator: But if they ever had a child, it would be. Because the girl was his cousin Maeby.
Michael: Tomorrow morning, before we tell the cops that that’s not Pop-Pop in prison, we’re going to go down to the lake, we’re going to discuss your girl problem man-to-man, and it’s going to be fun. Especially the part about the cops.
Narrator: But Pop-Pop had other plans. And Michael awoke to find his camping trip going south.
Michael: Well, you better get up now if you want to see the lake.
Narrator: And that was when George, Sr. made a desperate plea.
George, Sr.: Promise me you won’t send me back to prison. so I can be with my dear love Lucille.
Narrator: Michael didn’t send his father back to prison...
George, Sr.: Go around! Go around!
Narrator: ...but instead arranged for him to be placed under house arrest...
Lucille: George, we’re never going to be out of each other’s sight!
Narrator: ...which made this woman his warden.
George, Sr.: Oh, dear God. Send me back to prison. You got to send me back to prison.
Michael: More touching!
Narrator: Michael went to his parents’ penthouse to discuss his father’s ever-worsening legal situation.
Michael: Where is everybody?
Buster: How should I know, Michael? As soon as Father came back, I’ve been like the invisible man. Hello?! Can anyone see me?!
Michael: Where’s your hand, anyway?
Buster: Why even bother getting dressed up? I have no one.
Michael: What? Buster, come on now, you know, if you’re really lonely, maybe it’s time you went out there and you got yourself a girlf... a pet.
Buster: How about a turtle?
Michael: Great.
Buster: Mother, have you seen my rubber hand?
Lucille: Oh, it’s in the dishwasher. Your father and I were using it for something.
Buster: Oh, for God’s sake. Can’t you keep my hand to yourself?!
Michael: Um... used it for something?
Lucille: He’s just jealous that I have a man back in my life. And guess what else is back?
Michael: My breakfast?
Lucille: My friskiness.
- horny
- Lucille tells Michael, “Mama horny,” similar to George, Sr.’s expression in Visiting Ours.
Michael: No, it’s my breakfast. I’m amazed Dad hasn’t strangled himself with his belt yet.
Lucille: Oh, we’re into all kinds of freaky stuff.
Michael: Why do eat breakfast before I come here?
Lucille: What the hell is this?!
G.O.B.: Well, now that Dad’s back, I’m going to perform one grand illusion for him before he strangles himself with his belt.
