Episode Transcript
Written by Karey Dornetto.
Revision: 1.2
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael Bluth paid an unexpected visit to his mother.
Michael: You look pretty, Mom.
Narrator: Michael had recently dated a woman he later found out was mentally challenged.
silver medalist, two-legged race
Michael: We’re not seeing each other any more, but it’s for the best. I’m actually kind of relieved it’s over.
Narrator: Actually, Michael had been so devastated by their breakup that he’d even broken out the old guitar.
Michael: / I’ve... / / I... /
- woodblock
- George Michael is holding a woodblock, first seen in Best Man for the GOB, when he wanted to join Dr. Fünke’s 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution.
George Michael: Maybe you should talk to someone.
Michael: Like my mom?
George Michael: I don’t know, does she play guitar?
Lucille: Oh, he’s just talking about his stupid turtle.
Michael: Oh.
Buster: She has a name, Mother. And it’s “Mother.”
Narrator: Buster had recently brought home a turtle in an incredibly misguided attempt to make his mother jealous.
- marijuana
- Buster puts his turtle Mother in Oscar’s box of Afternoon Deelite (label seen in Afternoon Delight).
Buster: You can stay in this box that Uncle/Father Oscar left behind.
Narrator: In fact, it was a box of Oscar’s legally obtained medical marijuana.
Buster: Oh, good, you’ve already got grass.
Narrator: Primo bud. Real sticky weed.
Buster: Although I was getting a little worried because she was moving really slowly last week. And then she stopped. Hmm.
Michael: Yeah, well, in any event, I’m here, Mom, because you need me. As you know, the Bluth Foundation dinner is a week away. I am your co-chair, and we don’t want to relive the “TBA” debacle.
Narrator: Years earlier, the Bluths had a hard time agreeing on a cause for their foundation’s first fund-raiser.
- Seinfeld
- Upon reading “shrinkage,” George, Sr. believes someone saw Seinfeld the night before. In the episode “The Hamptons,” George worries that women don’t know about “shrinkage” after coming out of the pool.
George, Sr.: “Herpes.” “Shrinkage.” Somebody saw Seinfeld last night. “Neck flap.” “Ovarian cancer.” Gee, I wonder who that was. One more for “neck flap.”
Buster: Yes.
Lindsay: Well, I’ll be honest, I haven’t heard anything that beats herpes.
Narrator: So they sent out invitations with the disease still to be announced. And, much to their surprise, the Bluths ended up raising over $25,000 to fight “TBA.” And then— a here’s the really horrible part— they did it again the following year.
G.O.B.: Keep fighting, little guy. With your support of the Bluth Foundation, we’ll live in a galaxy where “TBA” does not exist.
Michael: When people at the last gala found out, we almost had a riot on our hands.
Lucille: Well, you don’t have to worry about anything like that this year, because Warden Gentiles is the new co-chair.
Michael: The guy who ran Dad’s prison?
Lucille: He’s here now installing cameras because of all your father’s escape attempts.
George, Sr.: Uh, yeah, looks like I won’t be going anywhere for a little while. What do I care, huh? I got a beautiful wife, I got a wonderful hobby. Hah— look at me, I’m having the time of my life!
Narrator: His hobby was making papier-mâché copies of his own head.
