Making A Stand
Written by Mitchell Hurwitz and Chuck Tatham.
Revision: 1.3
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael was trying to include his brother in the business at his father’s request.
Michael: So, the last couple of months have seen us hemorrhaging money.
Narrator: But he was finding himself overwhelmed by the change.
G.O.B.: Is it my turn to speak yet? I’ve got a good one.
Michael: We’re gonna wait till after lunch for the tricks.
G.O.B.: That’s not a trick, Michael. It’s a business opportunity.
Boom box plays “Final Countdown”
G.O.B.: Okay, you can turn the music off. I already shot my wad. Off.
Boom box plays G.O.B. singing “It Ain’t Easy Being White”
G.O.B.: No, that’s tape.
G.O.B.: I have got a quick way for us to literally be showered with money. That’s where the penny thing with the...
G.O.B.: Bonus.
- Colombian Mexicans
- G.O.B.’s confusion between Mexican and Colombian was first mentioned in Bringing Up Buster regarding Marta.
G.O.B.: Anyway, it involves us making some money with our Mexican friends from Colombia.
Michael: I think they’re called Colombians.
G.O.B.: Oh, I forgot, we’re being politically correct now.
G.O.B.: Anyway, there’s a company there that wants to develop some time-shares with us. I told them that we’ll sell them our blueprints for 100 grand!
Michael: G.O.B., we’re prohibited from doing any business outside the country while we’re under investigation.
G.O.B.: Translation: Wish I’d thought of that.
Steve Holt: Nice translating, Dad.
G.O.B.: Oh, also had this slogan made up. “A Colombian cartel that won’t kidnap and kill you.” I underlined “won’t,” ’cause it makes the competition look like...
Michael: I’m serious: we’re not doing it. It’s illegal, and, uh, it’s also kind of a stupid way to make a quick buck.
G.O.B.: It’s not stupid. You’re stupid.
Steve Holt: Nice pout, Dad.
Michael: I wasn’t calling you stupid. I was calling the idea stupid. And if you’d spend a little bit more time learning about the business and less time with tricks, you’d know that.
G.O.B.: If I didn’t have a live dove in my pants right now, I would leap across this table and... you know what? Forget it.
Michael: Let’s go ahead and take five.
Narrator: Michael was frustrated and returned to his office to find Lindsay.
Michael: Boy, G.O.B. is driving me crazy. I finally got rid of him for a little while, and Dad put him right back in the business.
Lindsay: You two have always fought. I think I even have video of that.
Michael: You and half of Orange County.
Narrator: As children, George Sr. would often provoke the boys to fight one another.
George, Sr.: He’s calling you a liar.
Young G.O.B. 2: I don’t want your cards, Michael!
Narrator: He believed it created a competitive spirit, which equipped them for the challenges of life.
George, Sr.: Let’s keep it in frame.
- Uncle Jack
- One of the Boyfights titles is “The Trip To Uncle Jack’s 70th,” which means the flashback is at least 20 years old since Uncle Jack is 90 in Ready, Aim, Marry Me.
Narrator: He also believed footage of the tussles would be a big hit in the burgeoning home video market. He soon franchised the concept with such titles as: Boyfights 2, A Boyfights Cookout, and Backseat Boyfights: The Trip to Uncle Jack’s 70th.
