Faking It
Written by Dean Lorey and Chuck Tatham.
Revision: 1.5
Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.
Narrator: Michael had received a witness list for his father’s upcoming trial.
George, Sr.: Who’s on the list? Any blabbers?
Michael: Well, they’ve got one guy who won’t be talking. That is unless there’s a hand inside of him.
Tobias: Oh, please, Michael. Even then, I wouldn’t say anything.
Michael: That’s reassuring, but I was referring to G.O.B.’s puppet, Franklin.
G.O.B.: Yes! I got him in the system.
Michael: You did this on purpose.
G.O.B.: Oh, yeah. He is re-dyed, rested and ready to work. Thought it’d be a good way to get some press. Oh, I got to tell Franklin.
Michael: I think he meant “get Franklin.”
Buster: Am I on the list?
Michael: We all are.
G.O.B.: (Heard off screen.) Franklin, guess what?
Buster: But I don’t know anything.
Lucille: He certainly hasn’t heard anything from me.
Buster: Mother doesn’t know anything either.
Lucille: I don’t know anything.
Michael: Well, you both certainly act innocent.
Narrator: Buster knew a great deal for Lucille, almost nightly, got drunk and told him.
Lucille: Your father says he wants me to go all the way to Falluja. I thought he meant the sex act that’s so popular with your generation.
Buster: (Snores softly.)
Lucille: I know you’re awake. Faker!
Michael: More significantly, they’ve put an “N. Bluth” on the witness list.
G.O.B.: I hope that doesn’t stand for what I think it stands for. Whoa, I did not say that.
Michael: You did, G.O.B. Your mouth moved, your hand didn’t.
G.O.B.: Oh. Well, I should work on that.
Michael: Is the an “N. Bluth” in the family we don’t know about? They say there’s been money found in an account under that name.
George, Sr.: Of course not. The prosecution is trying to test us, see if we’re going to turn against each other. They make stuff up. She doesn’t exist.
Michael: Yet you refer to her as a “she.”
George, Sr.: “He,” “she”—what’s the difference?
Tobias: Oh, hear, hear. In the dark, it all looks the same.
Tobias: They’re probably just taking a shot in the dark.
George, Sr.: But the good news is that Jan Eagleman called, and she is willing to consider our case.
Michael: Jan Eagleman?
George, Sr.: She’s from the Justice TV.
Michael: Not another media whore? You know, frankly, I think I could put together a pretty good defense.
Lindsay: Oh, no, he thinks he’s a lawyer again.
- The Trial of Captain Hook
- Narrator refers to Michael’s performance in The Trial of Captain Hook, seen in Altar Egos.
Narrator: Devotees will remember that Michael once played a lawyer in a school play.
Young Michael: / You’re a crook, Captain Hook / / Judge, won’t you throw the book at the pirate... /
