The O.P. » Articles » Local
The Board Room Everyone Will Be Talking About
Who will Stan Sitwell fire on
Chances are surely greater than 55-55 that you’ve heard of Stan Sitwell. The real estate tycoon’s Sitwell Housing Inc. has been blowing away all of the competition, leaving rival Bluth Development Company and his false eyebrows in the wake.
The driven Sitwell, who cannot drive a convertible, isn’t content to sit back and rest on his laurels—there’s no time for an angry-nap. He’s busy filming the third season of his reality show The Applicant (NBS, Thursdays) where twelve people compete for a job at Sitwell.
We caught up with the hairless real estate tycoon and his trophy wife after a performance of Pagliacci. When asked about the show, Sitwell seemed taken aback, until he realized he had two mustaches on his forehead.
“It’s the perfect interview process,” says Sitwell. “In the past, you could never learn enough from an applicant’s interview and references, especially when their references flew away in a poof of smoke.”
As with the last two seasons, the applicants are divided into two teams. Each
week, teams compete to see who can best perform an assignment. The losing team must go into the board room and face The Stan, where one member is eliminated.
In last week’s episode, teams were challenged to design a housing development. Team Residual Income (“no smarts”) never really could get on track, spinning wheels like a Segway on a construction site. Team leader G.O.B., a part-time magician, became fixated on providing “wireless crapability.” Other team members reacted angrily, bickering over the wisdom of spending the team’s money on a feature you can’t even see. The team was never able to circumvrent their differences, and ended up losing the task.
In the most shocking board room ever, the other team members ganged up and all pointed their finger at G.O.B. Feeling like an au pair in the laundry room, G.O.B. became increasingly defensive, referring to his concept in series of escalating names: first it was “Single City,” then it became “Swinger City.” Fourth was “Bleep City,” and finally it morphed into, “Bleep Mountain.”
Even though Sitwell appreciated G.O.B.’s candor, he did not think cursing in the board room was appropriate. In the end, the author of Consummate The Deal had had enough and uttered his trademark (though not trademarked) words. “You’re fired.”
As he left Sitwell Tower in a shared $12 mini-van, a sobbing G.O.B. said, “All I wanted is for someone to believe in me. For someone to say, ‘good job.’ ” When asked where he was going from here, G.O.B. said he was headed to a storage unit in Tarzana “to pick up my stuffs.” No doubt he’ll pick himself up off his peel, to rise up bigger and better than ever.